I Didn't Set Orf Any Alarms

......Today my ticker was looked into by Rachel and Catarina. On Monday it was gazed at by Simon. All thoroughly decent cardiac bods at Southend hospital. Each of them doing their bit to find out what is happening to my most vital organ
I wont go into ghastly detail about all the procedures I'm sure you can figure it out, suffice to say a lot of gels and computers and wires were flung about.
After an indecently early appointment (08:40) with Rachel I was ushered orf down the lemon and brown corridor to see tall dark haired Caterina who, bless her tried to put me at ease.
"Its alright I just put theeese on your skin and dey monitor what your art is doing" Big grin.
Oh my Lord I thought I'm going to be done up like a kipper. But I needn't have worried the small cream coloured apparatus which is stuck smack bang in the middle of the Great Valley of Boosarms isn't too offensive to the eye. I do though dislike the long wire which dangles from it ending up with another gizmo attached to my left rib.
"Undo it if you take a shower" said Caterina
"And after you dry remember to re connect"

Oh God.

I need to wear this contraption until Saturday until then if I get any pain or strange sensations I'm to log it on a bit of paper noting the time and activity I'm engaged in......Hmmmm




Imaginary scenario which might make the consultant wonder what the heck I'm doing there in the first place...

Ooooh baby, we'd better not...

but why darling why

my cables might pop out

oh yeah..... I forgot

yeah well I have to log any action that ups my heart rate

you don't mean?

I do

can't you disconnect?

for how long

Oh I dunno

The usual? 10 mins

I was thinking more of a long nighter, say two hours max

You must be joking honeykins National Health Service equipment isn't that good it might start smoking

oh alright then 10 mins

and darling...remember..... don't bite me connectors