I had a 'turn' in the night thought I was having a mini stroke. I think it was because my arm wouldnt lift and I felt nauseous same symptons as in novenmebr. im alright now though I think. I saw John yesteday and it was very good we sorted through some of his vast library. Theres nothing sadder than unwanted books. I loved seeing my oldest friend and Im so happy for him Im glad that once the bungalow is sold he will have financial freedom.
It looks lovely outside and Rob and me are going to Morrisons later. After we dropped john off at the station last night we popped into the Royal Oak pub. Rob had an ale and I had a sherry.
As I held my Patient Assistant PA96000 to my heart at 3am i wondered if it was curtains then I went back to bed hoping for  sleep. It came quickly.
The PA is a gizmo i need to carry at all times. If I get chest pains or palpitations or feel anything strange at all Im to hold the small plastic device against my chest where the loop recorder is embedded.
today I'm wearing colourful clothes.........

I can't get too cosy with electrical or battery operated gadgets/gizmos/appliances on account of todays foray into the world of Loop Implants.
One was fitted today at Southend hospital by a giggle of nurses, one anaesthetist (?) and one jolly doctor. After the bloody surgery ( I bled a lot, apparently)  my opening was glued and I was wheeled back to the ward by a lovely porter (old).Everyone was polite, professional and quite young. I felt very safe in their hands.

This monitor which now lies snuggled somewhere in my ribcage will, over three years, keep a close eye on the bubbling popping and occasional stopping of my heart. What a dreadful thought. Anyway, after a much welcomed mug of sweet tea and tuna sandwich I was allowed to get dressed and go home, I thanked the staff, all of them, for their kindness.

After being given leaflets and advice I was handed a small grey oval shaped gadget which I MUST use if I feel anything untoward in the chest area.
Apparently I press a button wait for a green light then clasp it to the spot where the monitor is hiding and that will relay a message into the aforementioned monitor which will in turn be transmitted to the cardiac doctor.
Isn't medicine wonderful? And isn't our NHS the best? Yes on both counts.

My chest is quite something.
I have a bruise the size of a plum, same colour too, an enormous clear plaster covering a bit of lint which covers the incision point. I tenderley brushed a finger over it and felt a hard bump, bit like a speed bump.I know what lies beneath because I saw it the other day, it's demur appearance belies its power Small things eh!

Nurse Joanne gave me a booklet to read..
I'm to keep electric handwhisks, mobile phones, e readers, power tools, electric pet fences and toothbrushes away from my ches along with a host of other stuff. Also on the no-go near the breast list are ignitions (!) lawnmowers,  but the funniest one was.... Alarmed Supermarket Exits! WHEN I APPROACH ONE PUSHING MY TROLLEY I MUST NOT STOP NEAR IT, TOUCH IT, I MUST WALK RAPIDY TH|ROUGH IT. IF THE ALARM SHOULD SOUND AND I'M POUNCED ON BY A SECURITY GUARD I'M TO SHOW HIM MY SPECIAL CARD WHICH WILL TELL HIM I'M WIRED. AND HE THEREFORE MUST LET ME GO FREE.
God, as if I don't have enough worry...

Can't have a bath either or shower in case the glue melts (stitches are so last century)
I will though be able to have flannel wash down carefully avoiding the wound. All this to-do simply because I had a stroke.

I feel though that this year will be a turning point for me, after the bungalow is sold and I'm embedded in the Tin Cottage I'll do nothing but live...
After all 60 is the new 50!

Now I finish stretching and straining my arms (I'm typing on my lap top at a distance) don't want my gizmo to implode in my chest cavity.......................................................................................

Winter, appears eternal, just a small front of daffodils hunching under the maple tree.

Vicious winds, lashing rain and a grey tinted sky and what am I doing? Filling more bags with unwanted things. The weather suiting the task.

 

I'd be fibbing if I said leaving the bungalow was easy. It isn't. In fact it's sending me quite bonkers. But it is the best and sensible option. For all of us. 
Mr Horsehound will, at last, be free of me. He will be free to gad around town and country with the woman he loves
And I, at last, will live a simpler life in a smaller more affordable place with Rob.
Doesn't stop me caring though, and I do care, very much. 34 years of caring and .
sharing can't be tossed away.
I hope that when the dust has settled Mr H and myself will at least feel comfortable enough to proffer a few friendly word to each other. His new girlfriend permitting...

I went to the hospital the other day for yet another heart test. Bottom line? In a couple of weeks I'm having a Loop put in.
And, depending on what it shows, I might be inline for a Pacemaker. I can barely contain my dread!
But being the type of girl I am, I'll go with the flow. As long as my mind is working I can deal with anything

There are so many good things on the horizon...

Snooker in April on BBC2. Probably have a flutter£££.
The Great British Bake Off. I'm making one of Hollywood's pasties soon.
Britains Got Talent. Cruel I know but I love it.
The X Factor (although I'm tiring of it rapidly)
Cross Stitch projects...
Penning more poetry
Reading


Cycling around the caravan park
Simpler cooking
Spending more time with Mark. He's nearly 16 and heading for a new school in September. Excitement aint the word. We love reading together. He's a wonderful boy who always makes me happy. His enthusiasm is catching. But the thing I love most of all is, and it's very silly and selfish of me, is I can be mumsy.

 
More get togethers. BBQ type things.
Wimbledon
Royal Ascot in June (I stopped watching it when Dad died, maybe I should watch it again, have a punt maybe? Dad would approve.
Eurovision Song Contest? Only if I can arrange a party around it.
And.....Euro 2016. Another date in June/July
And while I'm watching all that my hair will look better, longer silkier, my caravan will morph into a fairy tale Tin Cottage and I will feel healthier and happier.

So my friends as I sit here in the Bungalow listening as my calor gas splutters to its death (been in a month, so not bad going) I feel hopeful. If I could do a smiley I would!
Now where's me blanket?

 

 
 

 

 

Another trip to the Tin Cottage.

The car loaded to the roof with ornaments, books, kitchenalia and our trusty old pouffe. Bit battered but still good for tired feet.
As we puffed our wqy from little room to little room I felt that this was the beginning of a new life. I admit to feeling apprehensive, after all giving up one's solid brick built home for one made of metal can be a bit mind altering.
But I've made my decision and keep to it I will.
I see my agreement to sell the bungalow as a 'gift' to Mr Horsehound, he has after all given a lot to me.
And I am by nature a generous girl and no greater love has a girl for her friend than to uproot and begin again.

I hope in the fullness of time, Mr H.and myself will be able to sit and talk in the garden of my Tin Cottage without animosity. I couldn't cope with that at all, he has always been my friend and despite behaving like a man possessed I'd still like us to be mates.

Rob is loading and unloading, making plans for around the back, decking etc etc. Already thinking about replacing the rather dire doors with stable doors. More in keeping with the country setting we now find ourselves in.
This morning it was chilly so i kept my coat on as I unwrapped precious ornaments, and while waiting for the kettle to whistle I imagined my new life....Therein.....A new rug in shades of wine and ivory, a silver coloured teapot, lots of doilies, a gonging clock, books and craft materials here and there, books on shelves, a camera to hand, binoculars, big tv, retro wireless, aluminium cookware and Monty.

Going to be a huge change for us, but I'm ready and willing, going to fling the doors open literally and metaphorically. Can't live in the past.
 The present is all I am thinking about...
We are aiming to move in mid-March.

Tomorrow furniture is being moved down to Tin Cottage, a lead light cupboard which will hold my most favoured bric-a-brac.

Now I must relax, oh yesterday I had an appointment in the cardiac clinic, I'm to have an implantable loop recorder fitted into my chest to check how my ticker is doing. The doctor I saw was imposing but reassured me everything would be alright.
I smiled. You betcha!

Now tea.....