Yesterday was very tiring, nay exhausting.

Mum bedded down in the afternoon, something she never does, I was relieved because I could go into the kitchen and day dream about sex /romance whilst stirring my mince.
Best of both worlds.

The evening passed slowly but without trauma, she sloping on the armchair offering up words of advice regarding how not to waste time. Me, on the edge of the sofa grasping at anything which might give succour. Cat, tea, you know what I mean.

Okey dokey....

What I hope for, later this morning, is an event-free trip to London, no sick-ups please dear on either train or bus.


Then back home I'll come to a very nausea-inducing late night dinner. God I hate eating after 9pm.
But then a quick facial scrub and bed... for a painless mumless night.



I missed The Great British Bake-Off last night so don't anyone dare tell me what happened! Will watch at my leisure sometime in the future:)


Now I must fly.

A lump of concrete in my chest.
Blinded by tears and fears as I stared soilidly at frozen tv dinners not really wanting one, but it was a clear space and I needed space.
Then like a weakling........
Cried when nice lady cashier asked how I was. Barbie held my hand her red painted nails digging into my palm. I like Barbie. She's alright. My age probably but far more secure. I'm sure.
Then.
Stood in middle of the half filled car park looking up at screaming seagulls. The sky was religiously wondrous, a vast canvas daubed wishily washily in watery blue.
The noisy birds swarming overhead wreaked fear into the hearts of other more sedate birds.
The sun thereabouts, in then out.

Home slowly to tea and riot news.

A Tender Correspondence

I love letters.
Not emails, letters.
And as I'm an avid reader of letters of all kinds I couldn't help but be inspired to write some of my own. But unlike the published correspondence of the famous, these billets-doux are all fictitious
I'll be posting Bibi's reply later in the week and, depending on my Muse, will post Michael's response some time after.
How long this relationship lasts depends upon my Muse.
I don't need to describe Bibi and Michael's life, that will be made clear by the contents of their letters.
So here's the first instalment.


My Darling Bibi

Please don't delete until you've read it. Will you do that for me?

Your parting words to me won't leave me alone so I have to do something and the only thing I can do is this.

Anyway, here I stand or rather here I sit in my big echoing barn of a house, with its stupid masculine decor and empty rooms. It means nothing to me now, you always said a house is not a home unless there's love in it. Well my hi tech polished mega watt home is a loveless dump without you in it. Come back Bibi for Gods sake, alright I know I didn't listen sometimes but aren't all men guilty of that, of not listening?

But since I met you, I haven't been able to hear anything only you, all I hear is your voice in my head. I've been a bloody fool and gone and lost the one person who's come to mean more to me than anyone or anything, I can't begin to tell you what's going on in this old head of mine, you always said I got 'confused over the big things' and as usual you were right.But here's one thing I'm not confused about, my love, yes love Bibi, for you. Am I making myself clear? Because my syntax is rubbish unlike yours which is perfect, and I cant spell either. You are so much better than me at expressing things, all I can do is stick a few words together in the hope you change your mind and come back. I'm missing you already, God I hate that phrase, how longs it been, a week?
Seems like forever and forever is always long.
I don't know what to say except I'm in love with you and I'm scared to death.

What with all we've both been through wouldn't it make sense for us to keep what we've got, we've got something most people only dream about.I don't want to be happy without you, I can't be happy alone any more, sounds idiotic doesn't it? But it's true I can't see myself doing the things we did with anyone else,. they were our things, remember the champagne and beans night? I do.
My parting words to you last night were said because I was terrified alright.

I don't know what to do with you, or how to deal with my feelings, there I was a reasonably contented man, ok so I'm a bit set in my ways, but I was getting along alright at least I thought I was and then someone like you comes along.
What I'm trying to say baby is I love you but I don't know how to deal with it.

I love you Darling
Now you can delete.

Michael