General Drivel

Hello! Beautiful Baps!

Roast Chicken. Creamy and browney. Tray into Mother. "Not now Ang". Plate now lonely and ovened.

Hot Rhubarb Crumble. Reddy and purpley. Served with Vanilla Ice Cream. Clotted Cream One. Massive inch overload. Will fast tomorrow on account of vanity and heart concerns:)

Great New Lipstick. FIRECRACKER. Oh my God it's gorgeous and nothing lifts a woman more than a new lipstick. Although there was this man once who lifted me above the headboard but that was a long time ago and I probably wore Destiny Mauve then.

Firecracker....It is the lippy I've been searching for since 1974.

(Complements my green eyes too!)

I hope Essex boy Ali Carter stages a miraculous comeback against the evil O'Sullivan. Unlikely though seeing as Ronnie is potting balls like the clappers. Still a girl can dream:)

By the way I've lost some of the spongey hooks on my new corset.
There one minute, gorn the next.
Hope they didn't drop down in a car park.

Possible pork chop tomorrow.

Mrs Slocombe and Me? Twins Separated At Birth!

I have a giant pussy called Monty he's an oleaginous, suety, broad-in-the-beam feline and he's my baby.
But he does have his ways...

He scales my mighty kitchen cupboards just so he can clamp his furry mitts on my tiny tuna sandwiches.
His cat-like eyes watch me as my tin opener vibrates in a purposeful manner, just so as I can satisfy my late night hungers. Trembling, I can often be caught struggling with my giant fork in order to lay bits of fish in between well buttered slices of Hovis.
He never, not for one minute, takes his eyes off my crustless triangles.

On account of me being a woman with a condition, I often feel the need to be prostrate whilst eating, and last night was no exception.
As the news come on I was propped up on the settee and was just about to have a large finger roll closely followed by a nice Flake when all of a sudden Monty lunged at me best Wedgewood and sent me tuna chunks flying. And seeing as I was fagged out I thought bugger it let him lick it up.
So he did.

And I do so love to see a large male with an big appetite, because being a lady I have matriarchal tendencies, which take the form of mollycoddling and catering to everyone's whims. I also like pampering and indulging large fur balls.
And my Monty is certainly one of them.

So if you hear screams tonight emanating from a small English village just off the A127, you can rest assured it'll be only me tossing round me lounge trying to salvage bits of tuna from the jaws of my giant pussy.
Goodnight.
Now where's me opener?