EXCLAMATION DAY!

WHAT!
Hung parliament!
So much for staying up half the night!
Well...till half past ten!

But as soon as my tired old bonce came up for air that telly was ON!
First to the Beeb where Sir Dimbledom looked AWFUL!
Then straight over to Sky where Daks man Kermit O'Murnighan was clearly suffering the effects of downing 18 pints of RED BULL..!
What a laugh!

Feeling this was all too too exciting I decided to drag my numb arse into the kitchen to make a nice cup of tea!

Sipping on it like it was liquid sex I continued watching what can only be called the most thrilling election in 40 odd years.
I must say though that shots of a deflated Mr Clegg made for sad viewing. Never has a politician looked so stuffed.
Mr Cameron however, standing upon the podium of victory, looked very smug.
Current P.M. Mr Brown slid out of his big black car and popped back indoors no doubt ready to make numerous phone calls...

Lord 'Faustus' Mandelson entertained by curling and twirling his top lip in a devilish manner. Methinks the most oleaginous character in Brit politics has something charmless up his gaily coloured sleeve. Like a new boss or something!

Meanwhile Laura 'I'm in for promotion' Kuenssberg nearly exploded whilst on the pavement outside number 10. She does get so excited. Love the girl but wish she'd do something about her hair. Bit of lift needed Laur!

Back to last night and me and my tea.

Watching Adam 'Mr Spock has nothing on me' Boulton had your favourite blogger polishing her spex. Me wondered whether the telly needed adjusting or whether the chicken had been too over soyed because the handsome Boulton looked even more handsome. Bit like a movie star in fact. All shiny smooth and RICH! The fact that his EYEBROWS are reaching for other planets just doesn't matter.
How long would it take for me to get to Osterly I thought!
Ho Hum.....! Monty gets a rub instead!


But back to the important stuff...

What the heck is happennig right now in Downing Street, in Milbank and in Holland & Barratt where the Lib Dems congregate? I just don't know.

I bet there are Granita style pacts being wickedly put together, many backs being scratched, numerous juicy jobs being offered on stained platters and begrudging multi-coloured promises being made...

This election has ignited unbelievable interest in politics and the terrifying spectacle of indignant voters being turned away from closed polling stations is unprecedented.

What have the television debates unleashed?!

Brown By A Distance

And for those of you unfamiliar with horse racing terminology a 'distance' is anything more than thirty lengths.

He came out with his head steady and nostrils flared and was clearly eager to take on the challengers. Yet his opening gambit of self-deprecation had me wondering if this top class stayer had been doped. But as the first few furlongs passed he continued to show his pedigree by hugging the rails not giving the colt or group one runner an inch.

That's enough horse racing analogies.

Sky News, by the way, did a good job although Alastair Campbell was agitated by Ms Burley wanting to talk about 'body language'. A little later Campbell was pleased to be in conversation with the BBC's Emily Maitlis who wanted to chat about policy. The Tories Culture stiff, Mr Jeremy Hunt, made the mistake of trying to duff up Campbell, he lost of course. But it was great theatre. Loved the media room, an asylum of Journos complete with laptops, drink and hysteria. Fascinating.

Adam Boulton presided over the love-in and was so good you didn't notice him. He let the guys get on with it. Just like arsehole Jeremy Kyle who, as distraught couples scream in disagreement over who the father is or how long it is since you last shot up and other familial stuff like that, remains silent as they bleed. Kyle is a low life ponce. Boulton wore a thousand pounds suit...

Next week the BBC host the third and final Leaders' debate and I for one won't miss it.


Ta ta!

GOD BLESS ENGLAND AND ST.GEORGE

A Big Night

Tonight can't come quickly enough for me.

Sky is holding the second Leaders Debate where the three would be saviours of the economy and public services will show their mettle when being roasted by the brilliantly suave Adam Boulton. I'm hoping it's a bloody affair. Because although ITV's Alastair Stewart did a good job I felt we, the public, missed out on what should have been a guts and glory chat. No clapping, booing or heckling makes for sanitised slightly Orwellian viewing. Therefore I hope Sky have the balls to allow the blood and spit to fly.

I love public hangings and I also love showmanship so I bow to the person who managed to get the three men to agree to these live television debates. The first one on ITV1 was spectacularly successful for Clegg, I wonder how he'll fare tonight. I'm expecting much more vitriol from Brown and Camiknickers, after all they can't let the new boy steal the limelight again.

Talking of light...There was a great picture of Gordon Brown in Wednesday's Independent. What makes it worth mentioning is that it was Kennedyesque. Reminded me of the famous photo of Jack, Bobby Kennedy and Robert MacNamara when they were outside deep in conversation, their minds concentrated on the enormity of the Cuban missile crisis.

Black suited Brown looked like he had a crisis too as Andrew Grice interviewed him by the window on the train, the sun highlighting all the white in his hair and all the worry on his face. Shades of black, shades of grey and what do we get? A man possibly on the brink of losing something he loves.
It was a picture worth remembering.

So as I ponder the possibilities of tonight's roughhouse I'll do some stirring of my own...


Ta ta!