Showing posts with label gardening disasters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gardening disasters. Show all posts

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

I'm A Twit With An Artistic Streak



Let me tell you why.

Most people with bulbous knees would refrain from hauling furniture from one dusty spot to the other but not me. Yesterday, with joints aflame, I dragged a badly painted bookcase from the hall into the kitchen and all on account of a seagull clock.

The wonderful charity shop find (CLOCK) was very at home on the windowsill but something wasn't quite right. Something about its stark in yer face position rubbed me the very wrong way so, with artistic hat on I dreamt up something new.

I know I thought, I'll put it by the chipped pillar, only thing was I hadn't a thing on which to mount it. That's the clock not the pillar.
After limping around the kitchen looking thisaway and thataway I came up with the brilliant idea of
the hall bookcase.

I love it when my mental lights come on and all manner of crazy ideas inhabit my head and, without a thought about knees, the bookcase was soon in place.
But at a price.

Right in the corner by the 'window with no purpose' and the 'pillar which holds up the ceiling' is Monty's Armchair and he was sprawled upon it like a miserable old man shagged out by downing too much wallop, but I needed to shove the chair a little to the right to get the bookcase in.....Monty's head spun and his likkle eyes took on a bemused what you doing this to me for look. I did it anyway.
Bitch Mum.

And there, after knocking it into position with my hips, stood the empty old bookcase. But it wasn't empty for long.

On it's three shelves were placed all my recipe books, well maybe not ALL, but a good majority, if I were to place ALL my tattered food books on it, there'd have been no room for the SEAGULL CLOCK.
And it does look cute and sweet and ever so slightly Nordic especially as I've also arranged some blue and white objects amongst the books. Blue and white jugs and vases and a broken blue flowered teacup, this teacup is handleless but so in love with it am I that I won't chuck it. Even when something one loves is of no use any more one would need to be a monster to abandon it.
By the way John did his bit by staying in the front parlour...

Today no such extreme physical activities will occur unless one calls making a tray of Tiffin physical activity.
An Everest of ironing will be looked at likewise a Snowdonia of felled branches. But I am not Superwoman and neither is John except maybe when he takes an interest in my lipstick, so today's agenda is of a more cerebral kind. A little gentle home cooking followed by the reading of my comments.


Ta ta!

Thursday, 29 July 2010

Hello:)

Today I will, I must, I have to glove up and make way for Graham the gardener. Although he isn't coming until tomorrow I feel I have to do a little something in return for his offer of giving us a hand.

I don't know how the garden has become such a mess, it's not as if I don't try, after all it was me who laid, with her tiny hands, several bags of gravel and stuff, yet still it looks horrible. Just not green fingered enough I suppose. If one's heart isn't in something then what's the point of doing it. My heart is in the posing of ceramic frogs and butterflies by water butts but that's where it ends. To sum up...I love positioning garden paraphernalia and sowing seeds but then I go away!

To say I'm thoroughly ashamed is an understatement because I'm not lazy, not really, but keeping on top of the turf and in so doing present a garden fit for human habitation, has proved impossible.
Dedication is the key word where gardening is concerned and I lack the 'd' word. I have blasts of activity, but then confine myself to the kitchen where I feel much more at home...Meanwhile the green grows....

Yesterday popped over to have a word with Baz, one of our Nazi neighbours who, unfortunately is married to Mags, who is just unfortunate, anyway told Baz that he can pull down his erect ladders on account of us putting ours up. What a lonely man is is. All he wanted to do was talk about his rugby days. But I suppose being shackled to blousy loud Mags for fifty years inhibits one's tongue...
God...Did they ever make out in the moonlight?

After making a cake I'll don my work gear and make room for Graham and Mr Horsehound's equipment. I wonder who'll handle it best?

*A photo of me with chainsaw will appear on the morrow...


Ta ta! From a weary wobbly woman;)

Just had a thought...
Mr Horsehound is sowing his marrow seed whilst Mrs Horsehound is sewing a hem. They are both SEWING? SOWING?
Which one is it?

Sunday, 25 July 2010

A Fresh and Lovely Sunday

Chicken spitting.
Monty kipping.
Mr H. decapitating the Forysythia.

I will, a little later on, dredge up from the bowels of this computer, my rough draft of a magazine piece.

I can not write for grown-ups in offices who trawl through thousands of 'pieces' sent in by silly women who think they can write.

Seems to me that my talent for words is only suitable for the eyes of the few, not for the eyes of many thousands. I loathe self-hatred.

But after pecking at the chicken, I'll edit and scourge and tamper with my 250 words about middle-age.
Probably be left with one word. Invigorating!


Ta ta!