A to Z of Housekeeping

A - Another cup of tea.

B - Bongo drums. Don't ask. Teenagers in the house.

C - Cooking. Plate it up. Nuke it. My stuff usually.

D - Dodgy plumbing. The house not the man.

E - 'The Echo' piles of them. All out of date. Everywhere.

F - Fires. I do dust not ashes.

G - Grapes. Shrivelled, black. Some in bowls others on floor.

H - Henry VIII and Henry the vacuum cleaner. Boss is obsessed by the King. I, with the rotten machine.

I - Ironing. Not in original job spec but at 50p per item where's the ironing board?

J - J-Cloths. Hundreds of them, Some tatty, some ironed...ha ha ha...

K - Knees. A good pair needed.

L - Lots of liquids. Water, orange squash, wine, disinfectant. Need the third one after the last one!

M - Mops, matches, Marmite.

N - Nice and tidy. For a day.

O - Ornaments. a.k.a.dust magnets. What is it about single men, metal boxes and ceramic fairies?

P - Pants. Over-sized and over the banisters. Grim but funny.

Q - Queen gets queasy after a barrage of jokes about body parts.

R - Recycling. Bins too many. Too full and too heavy. Having neck trouble as a result.

S - Sausages. Loads past sell-by date. Not my business. Not my fault. Well maybe it is my business. Out they go.

T - Tea. Couldn't work without copious amounts. Got my own mug. Large builders type. But with a daisy on it.

U - Underwear. Be prepared for shocks.

V - Videos. Be prepared for shocks part 2.

W - Washing. I'm half-load Ang. Love my environment.

X - X-rated language. Not from me of course. Innocent jocularity? F*** O**

Y - Yanking. Stuck drawers, stiff handles and unyieldly knobs. Usually upstairs.

Z - Zonked. Me. Fifty two. Five foot. But laughing. Another cup of tea...

Funny Poem: The Hidden Toast

At five o'clock I found a piece of toast behind the kitchen armchair
its face was shrouded with dust from above and the crust was all beat up

But as I looked down on the dead bit of toast I wondered how it'd got there
maybe a fairy had stolen it away I thought, when I'd gone to answer the phone

Or maybe the cat had clobbered it off the table and hidden it as a plaything.
my money is on the latter.

Yipeeeeeee! It's a Sunny Saturday And I'm Staying In!

It doesn't look too bad out there so methinks I'll STAY INDOORS!
As much as I love the currant bun these brilliantly bright Autumnal days are sending me a bit bonkers in the nut. I mean what is a girl TO WEAR?
Do I go floaty skirted to the butchers or do the man thing and stride down to sweet shop in violent jeans? I just don't know.

What I do know however is that it's the WEEKEND and that means one thing, well two things actually, The 'X' Factor and a roast dinner! But not on the same day.
On the ultimate reality tv show the lads and lasses go to boot camp this week and that's where the real 'work' begins and the mighty waterfalls of tears from wannabees dampen stocky Mr Cowell's too tight t-shirt. This is not telly at it's best BUT it is telly at it's campest and I love camp!.

So....after my burgers'n'chips I'll sit excitedly on the very edge of the settee crying, laughing and shouting sweetly at the screen. And as much as I need the thrill and furore of a tea time telly show I also know that it's dangerous, because I'm too old to be aflamed and in a flurry. A woman like me should be coddled in a blanket weeping delicately into my Jane Austen.
Now roasts.

Leg of Pork with a jug apple sauce, zesty carrots and sweet potatoes is on the menu for tomorrow, followed by a 'D' cup syrup pudding falling out off the dish. For afters. (see pic top right)
For supper? What do you think? Porky walky sandwiches of course swallowed slowly down with a glass of chocolate milk. Yep, I'm that good...

Now I really must leave the sunny office and head into the sunless kitchen, where I belong!

Carry on Cucumber

I like today's Nature Quote of the day. (Scroll down a bit.)
Kind of makes me feel all warm inside :(

On the menu today Roast Chicken with a gang of unruly veg followed by Wild Banana Boats. i.e. sliced nana topped with too much ice cream, big nuts and shaved chocolate.

I had to have a cucumber this morning on account of my eyes and age.
Apparently they do wonders for women.