No Pie For Me

Lovely day with mum and dad.
Chicken in red wine, a sort of dangerous mash and limp fingers of carrots
Toffee mousse. M&S . So divine I licked the lid.
A river of tea.

Then...
Shopping xxx
Bought the most beautiful soft shiny sensuous handbag, made in Espana, leather, chocolate brown, woven handle and absolutely GORGEOUS! I'm so in love.
Then more delicious stuff like Moonflower body cream, crumpets and devil red nail polish.

Just after six I sat swamped and exhausted on the tube then a tall lady sat opposite. Queerly creatively dressed, maxi skirt in lots of blues and golds, white t-shirt ok nothing strange about that, but to top it with a heavy green three quarter length coat was odd...Artistic sort I thought and I love those, so eagerly drank her in. Never seen an afro shaped like a halo though. Made a refreshing change from the funereal garbed bleached blondes which usually assault my eyes. I liked her but she annoyed me with her steak pie.

~Up there is a pic of me on my woody throne taken this very evening after a quick supper of colonial curried sausage....

Tiffin On The Brain

~Wimbledon gone, lost interest in the World Cup, so it's back to a cache of recorded films and Columbos!

~Cooked and cooled a large chicken yesterday having decided a roast was inappropriate in dessert temperatures. Not having much of a salad I quartered two toms, diced some pickled beetroot and yanked from the soil a couple of adolescent spring onions. A good dollop of salad cream was then dropped onto some freshly boiled parsleyed pots and hey ho Luncheon is served. For pud. Ice cream and two plucked raspberries.


~If I eat any more carrot, lemon or chocolate cake I'll keel over so it's back to a stalwart of the English kitchen, rumpsy pumpsy Tiffin. After I've penned this, I'll have a wash and crush some biscuits. As Tiffin is an unbaked goodie I can mix the biks (digestives and rich tea) with golden syrup, raisins, butter, chocolate and chopped Brazils then leave to harden in the dark of the fridge.

~I must must must tackle my belly today. The wobbly beast is blobbing out of control. Little horror. And it's my own fault on account of occasionally forgetting to stick myself to the shag pile and crunch those abs. At heart I'm a fat and lazy gal.

Bye!

:)

Sabbath My Sanctuary

Cold pizza for breakfast:) I jest not. A first, definitely not a last. Bran Flakes too difficult to pour from the box. Toast? Who's got the time?

Weeding to do:( Being over-run by spiteful greenery. Tools out. Shorts and hat on. Several mini-breaks to wonder why I bother. Mother Nature is out of control, poor old dear, what she needs to do is to surf for Father Nature then they can toddle off and leave me to sit astride a plastic chair without a care in the garden.


Posing:) In the mood for flouncing and glossy lippy. If the pics are of an adult nature I won't post here. You DO understand.

Abdo torture yet to come:( Neglect one's tum by all means, but don't weep when you morph into Toby Jug Man:( Silly woman.

Chicken to baste:) Fowl, the most blessed of all Sunday lunches. Empathising with a fellow sentient being, I apologized to the plucked bird saying I have to eat darling and you're the cheapest.

I love Sindays:)

Good Bits/Bad Bits

Bad Bits:
Serena Williams beat the Czech girl in the semi-final but will face a Russian girl in the final. This could be the end of the American's tyrannical run. At last.

Good Bits:
My silver ring, and it is silver on account of its markings, is sitting comfortably on my right hand even though it's so long it reaches my knuckle. Smashing!
Bad Bits: An attempt to collect together my poetry and then sift through it, has failed magnificently:) Can't seem to sit still for longer than ten minutes to sort through the aforementioned work so nothing gets done...Poet my foot.
Good Bits:
Cut and hung the 'new' curtains and they do look good. My scissor work being so accurate that I had enough left over to make a 'pelmet' and with he remnant of the remnant re-covered the bathroom chair. Not bad for £2.

Bad Bits:
Had a to-do with a fly. Chased the blasted beast around the kitchen finally managing to nail it with a scrunched up paper towel. Fly or die numbnuts.
Good Bits:
Baked a new cake. Well actually it isn't quite a cake more of a sweet loaf made with carrots, spices, orange peel, Muscovado sugar and honey. If it turns out ok I'll post a pic, it if explodes, I won't.


Being concocted tonight on account of spending the food money on trivialities:
Spaghetti with off-cuts bacon, mushroom stalks and small limp toms.

I'm a tearaway but life's not all about cooking you know...

Ta ta!

Post Match Lethargy

~Oh God I can't face a roast today, will make do with cold chicken, a big mixed up salad and the last few wedges of carrot cake! Some diet eh!


~The leaves on my courgette plants are turning yellow. But toms are perky, likewise lettuces. The Sunflowers are in their infancy am looking forward to standing underneath their golden heads. Ants out in numbers. Kill? Can't.


~The aroma of roasting fowl is driving my toast filled tum barmy!


~Will Fabio call upon oldie David James for next Friday? He must. Can't see him risking our very life on the sweet but clumsy young Green. There are 11 men in a team, can't allow the goalie to shoulder all the blame. A silent Rooney had his wings clipped, can't afford a yellow at such an early stage. They should have annihilated the USA instead they smacked their botties. Lightly. Not good enough boys, no not at all. Algeria should be a push-over, but as with all England's matches there'll be that old familiar feeling...Dread.

~I love chickens in all their forms. Hot, cold, ceramic, alive.

~Abdo trimmer out and waiting. Must get into a regime. But Argos machines are so boring, think a good rollicking dance work out is the answer. Reminds me...Watched bio-pic of Tina Turner. "What's Love Got To Do With It". Absolutely fantastic. What a gal. Angela Bassett played Tina to perfection. Rocking good mover, sexy, a lady with balls. So later on I will glow within the boundaries of my office to some sweet rocking soul. Only way. New dress hanging in the wardrobe is my stick...

~So in a mo I'll engage my media player and bounce around to Boogie Wonderland. Old stuff but hits a dancer's go buttons like nothing else


~Must fly, two small birds bird needs a- turning:)

Ta Ta!

A Lady's Work. A Few Delicate Thoughts.

After doing the grocery run I indulged in a lightening tuna salad then took out my Swiss Army knife. This excellent tool was needed to dissemble a horrible white bookcase which has seen better days. It is now in bits:) I don't think I ever truly took to it, after all I'm more of an Ash or Pine girl.

Having wild womanly moments is quite normal for me. My madcap ideas usually coming in the afternoon, today was no exception. But why I ask myself does it always include the heaving or dismantling of heavy stuff? Why can't I just flick a feather duster around like normal goddesses, why do I insist on doing man's work?
Because that's what I've always done. Man's work doesn't bother me in the slightest. Once I even took down a tree, and I do mean tree, it wasn't some piddling bush.

But that was then this is now, and now I'm in a red raged flutter (find out why later on) because I'm wilting, annoyed, and desperately in need of a cup of tea and and a digestive biscuit.
Friday's shouldn't be about screwdrivers Fridays should be about top hats and dancing.

Cooking tonight in a ladylike manner:
Fish Pie made with small amounts of salmon and medium amounts of cod and smoked haddock these fine sea dwellers will be topped with a sour cream mashed potato.
For pud, banana with butterscotch sauce and ice cream.

Before gathering together this good food I need to think deeply (yeah right) about an offer I've had...
My old employer, the king with two artificial hips and rusty crown, has offered me my old job back. I saw him waddle up my path and thought 'Oh no, now what'.....He didn't ring my bell, preferring to put a letter through my letterbox. Inside on thick beige paper was his ridiculous blue and old gold crest which reminded me just how silly he was. In this contrite tome he said he'd had a mental and physical hiatus and has lost four stone and that I (me, Gloria) really did enjoy working for him!!!
No mention of money however. Typical.
The super happy cats were mentioned alongside his diabetes, his new bathroom and the re-arrangement of Tupperware boxes.
The unbelievable gall of the man...


The sun is out and I'm fresh faced:)
And if I could do anything RIGHT NOW, it would be to jump into a car, any car, and be taken to a reputable ale house for a tinkling cider cup. I'd sit outside in the sun wearing a sparkling necklace tiptapping my tiny feet on a man of some substance. Then back in the jag or car of equal splendour for the quick zip to a curry emporium. The Masoom in Shoebury do a very fair Butter Chicken. I like this establishment because they once gave me a blue mug;)

Now fish:)

Ta ta!

Untitled Unwashed

Crikey what's this I thought as Monty shredded my feet. I'm feeling a little warm in the body area. Must have left the blanket on warp factor 9.
Idiot features.
No need to get in a lather.
Just a turnabout in the weather.

And try as I might I couldn't eat my bran flakes in a shady kitchen so I potted along to the front room of balmyness and ate them there.
Monty lay like an ebony draught excluder his furry bits made magnificent by enormous shafts of sunlight. He made a very good footstool.

Branflakes embedded in teeth I mused about today.............

The garden needs a-doing. baby weeds popping up through my useless membrane. Grass awash with pretty weeds, all highly lovely but so unloved by most. Had a sudden inclination (oh God no) to allow a patch of lawn to grown into a mental meadow.

I wonder if the Minestrone will be enough. Certainly put enough in it. Almost peeping out the top of my chubby tureen.

Cheese scone round. When to make and bake. Whilst listening to Desert Island Discs or watching Jeremy Kyle. Reminds me. I dashed into Somerfields late last night in my baseball cap and ethnic skirt to buy pure mature cheddar. I think someone called the manager.

My knees are playing up.

Is George and Mildred on ITV3 today? The lovable sex obsessed Yootha Joyce annoying long toe-nailed pickled onion obsessed Brian whatsisname. She wanted sex, she got pickling vinegar and nail clippers. Murphy....Brian Murphy

I squinted at the dust on the windows, sucked in my balloon tum, thought about night time cake and was glad it was/is Friday.

I Know Which One I'm Gonna Eat!

Today, thank heavens, is the last day of the great banana debate and I for one am bendily pleased.

On the Today programme Mr Humphrys talked to very very ordinary voters and they all said that the televised rows were great for democracy. I concur. I feel this could be the beginning, nay the re-birth of British politics. But hopefully we won't be skinned alive by references to bananas.

David 'look at my rolled up sleeves' Cameron went without sleep last night because he cruised around through the night trying to pick up a dithering voter.
Meanwhile...

Nick ' Gillette Man' Clegg went to sleep as did Gordon 'It's all about fiscals not pecs' Brown.
I very much doubt they slept near to each other.
What a story that would make.

'Old Scot jumps Young Vegan in midnight pact'.

In other news.....

My shopping bill has blown up.
I blame them all.

Cooking tonight:
Pollacks.

With The Snow Comes Silence

I noticed that as I waltzed with my car this morning, I was dancing alone. Admittedly it's a short journey to the castle but nevertheless I thought I'd at least see a trussed up elderly gentlemen dragging his dog. But no, I saw nothing. No children, no mums, not even the postman. The distance between my bungalow and Henry's castle was bleaktown. Totally free of people and cars, in fact it was like someone had taken a Winter nature photo and superimposed it onto the roads and streets. Frost covered houses, distraught overflowing bins, green gardens turned into wonderlands for the out-of-sight birds, patches of black where a car had been parked, and nothing but frozen white immaculate pavements with very few footprints.
The snow had indeed left its almighty mark and silenced everything except for the crunchy crunch of crazed wheels on black ice.

I arrived a touch earlier than usual on account of me wanting to get away a touch earlier. Well that didn't work out at all!
After first looking for the cats I proceeded to make some sausagemeat pasta, put 24 tins of Felix away, and chat with Henry...He wants me to rifle through boxes looking for some of his son's documents. Ok, but the boxes are in the garage which is down the road by the school. I'd do it I said, for a price. We agreed on the pittance and the boxes will be seen to some time in the future. Meanwhile will I put his daughter's clothes in boxes. Oh yes and for free. The fact she'll be out of the way is payment enough. What is it about this family and boxes?
I rather like the idea of the house being a daughter-free zone, it's one less room to do and one less person to agitate the cats. Yes, her clothes will be attended to on Monday.

Blackie and Ging made several appearances during the course of the morning, even jumping up onto the kitchen table when Henry and I were chatting about: Loyalty, money and diseases. They've come a long way since I first made their acquaintance, no more do they diss their master instead they're into violently rubbing themselves up against his legs and chest. And the master is well pleased with their progress. He asked me to put the pink collar back onto Ging and with a tut I did. She was, I'm pleased to report, ok about it, so I was relieved. I had a little treat up my sleave for them today, after preparing Henry and Walt's dinner I called out like an idiot asking Blackie and Ging if they'd like a tin of toony woony.
They licked and scoffed the gold rimmed plate clean, tuna will now be their three times a week treat...

After several pots of tea Henry said he'd love a bacon and broken egg sandwich, so one was made and drooled over. I too had a sandwich, but I plumped for a BLT. By this time I was ready to come home so I squeezed and kissed the cats whispering into their tiny ears that they were to do whatever they wanted never mind about Henry. Ging then fell to the ground and whacked a hanging pink feathered toy whilst Blackie's eyes remained half- closed as I slobbered over his head like a sad old woman who has finally lost her ancient marbles.

Driving home I saw no-one.
The steering wheel going one way and the wheels having other ideas. Horrible. But with the danger came an unearthly silence that only snow brings...




Tonight I'll be cooking a beef cobbler.
Simple food, perfect for a Winter's night.
I might have a drop of brandy in my coffee too!

Pie Pie Baby

In my earlier post I mentioned PIE.
I love PIES.
Not shop ones of course, they shouldn't even be called PIES. And I know what I'm talking about because I had one once. It was a chicken one which, when studied closely, had a sliver of white meat drowning in a glutinous sauce. Disgraceful. Findus made the offending item and I was very poor and stupid when I ate it.
I now make my own pies.

Such as the one which will grace the old wooden table round about 8.

It isn't grand and doesn't contain anything fancy yet it's good enough to give to friends on a special occasion. I don't have many friends and tonight isn't a special occasion but I'll go to the same trouble as if I had three chums paying a visit. Three? :(

A good PIE is only as good as its pastry and my pastry is excellent, or so I'm told. I do however play around with it a bit. I can't just create the PIE and bake it, no, I always feel the need to decorate the thing with ropes, balls and leaves made from the remaindered pastry.
Tonight's PIE has a nautical theme, bearing something resembling a twisted rope and a queer anchor. I am not a sculptor, of that you can rest assured...

See above pic which is of a slightly scorched PIE with an Iron Balls theme

But in the innards of the pastry lies a lot of tasty ingredients.
See below.

250g/8oz Steak Mince
1 large chopped onion
2 grated carrots
a finely chopped leek, a little of the green suffices
1 grated potato, Roosters are fab
1 crumbled oxo cube, 2 would be ok
A very generous splash of Mushroom ketchup or Worcestershire sauce
lots of black pepper
a little Muscovado sugar
a teaspoon of salt
Water

Mix up and lay in pastry case. Top with pastry lid. Decorate if you must. Brush with beaten egg yolk or milk. Bake for about 45 minutes in a moderate oven until very golden and the seams seem to be coming open. That's alright.
Serve with whatever you like. Buttery milky mash is fine, so are plain boiled potatoes, but my favourite is chips. Chips and Heinz Curried Beans.

Talking of beans I have a Beans recipe which is a real winner for weekday lunchtimes. Always serve this with garlic bread and a beer. Lovely.

Pork Ring with Barbeque Beans

240g Smoked Pork Sausage in a vacuum pack. Something like Mattesons or someone like that.
A little oil
2 chopped onions
1 chopped green pepper, or any colour really, but green goes better
2x 15 oz cans Baked Beans, Heinz of course are good but so are Sainsbury's own make, but NOT their Basics range please.
3oz dark soft brown sugar
a ten second shake of Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon of French Mustard, English is too violent
3 tablespoons Tomato Ketchup, not Lidl's

Cook Sausage like it says on the packet
Cook onion and green pepper for about 10 minutes till soft and silly. Then add all the other ingredients and simmer for 5 minutes.

Take sausage out of plastic wrapper and cut into slices preferably obliquely, looks nicer. Heat for another minute or two till thoroughly hot through.
Pour into a warm bowl to serve or dish up straight onto plates.

This is the kind of dish I cook when I wear industrial strength underwear.



On a lighter note:
Got a recipe book by Margeurite Patten. Very good book. But what is it about 'Chicken Cream' which makes me yukky up?

P.S.
You won't die if you eat PIE

Chilly Glo Does Mille Feuille

It was crackingly cold when I sipped my tea at 6.
"Crumbs" I thought "What's an old arthritic gal to do?"
"Layer up babe"...Said the voice in my head
So when I manage to drag myself out onto the harsh, merciless streets of olde Ashingdon village I'll resemble a Mille Feuille.
A many-layered sweet thing oozing unctiousness. Which is gorgeous to hold in your hands but is apt to crumble all over the shop if bitten badly. Can be expensive.


By the way the Sausage thing I made last night was fabulous.
A few good Cumberland sausages braised for ever in Oxtail soup, red onions and carrots.
To accompany the Sausage Saxony I cooked some Colcannon and instead of serving straight from the pan, I baked it for a while till a slight tan crust formed. Knockout!

Tonight is Pie night.
More about Pie later...

Spun around in Aleks today getting leeks, chickens and custard.
And as I dawdled from here to there I felt the first twiddly excitement of Christmas.
But I will not do what I always do, which is leave everything to the last merry second. No, this year I'll be very organized...
From next week on I'll be stashing away flour for cakes and pastries. Nuts, dried fruits and chocolate for cakes and pastries and butter, lard and Muscovado sugar for er..cakes and pastries!
Fatty Christmas everyone!

On the meat front I'll try to pop some pork, lamb and beef in the freezer. Got some new booze fuelled recipes I want to try, so will need to lay down some beer, wine and cider on the bottom shelf of the knick-knack bookcase. This knick knack bookcase was in the conservatory but it's in the kitchen now behind an old armchair. This thick-armed beige armchair was given to me some 15 years ago by Lucille, a tall, talkative, religious lady who lived over the way with her shrub loving non-speaking husband Kevin who had an allotment near the railway.
Away from the shrubs and potatoes he was not a happy man.

I expect I'll be up the loft come mid December looking for the feet of the plastic Christmas tree.

Now I must get Aleks out and lay down some rubber mats.

Sooooooo Saturday

Made Chicken balls late last night.
They were not in the least like the Chicken balls we get from the Lim Lam. The Lim Lam balls are roundish with odd shaped nobulars sticking out hither and thither. My balls were longish and flattish with only the occasional protruding nobular.
Tasted great though!

Today is Burger day.
I'll shape some minced beef into man-sized patties and slap them on the griddle, hoping against hope to get that flame grilled, burnt round the edges look that is so appealing to me. Being a bit health conscious I'll drain them off on a slip of paper towel.
They'll then go in the bun along with torn lettuce leaves, chilli and tomato relish, sliced cheddar and delicate onion bracelets.

They will be mountainous.
And so will I if I carry on like this:)

But it's Saturday and I love Saturdays.
So much good stuff occurs on a Saturday that I'm going plum crazy thinking about it.
Some time later on today I will again gabble incessantly to the old dears in London. Apparently according to Mums early morning phone call, dad has developed a thing for Almond tarts.
Bugger.
That means another trip to the shop. I wonder if useless Somerfield has any ground almonds. I doubt it. All they sell is 78p a tin Coke.

So in the lingo of the young folk, I soooooo don't need that.


Cheerio:)

Sunday Menu and Other Nonsense

Roast Beef. A decent sized roast
Yorkshire pudding. Large but not excessively so
Roast potatoes. Only three.
Glazed whole carrots. Lots and whoppers.
Peas. What can I say about peas?
Gravy and mustard. Thin and Thick

For pud...

Banoffee Pie. 7 inches of pleasure.

Making the Banoffee Pie was fun because I've never made one before and getting to grips with cocoa, bananas, biscuits, butter and cream so early on a Sunday morning was silly and childlike and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Especially smashing up the digestives in a Sainsbury's carrier bag. Loved that bit!

For tea I expect it'll be either be beefy sandwiches or a Chinese!

Which reminds me of a restaurant I had the pleasure of visiting.
It's on Southend seafront and called 'The Great Wall' and I can clearly remember looking out to sea through vast windows whilst showing off my chopstick skills. I of course wore red as a sign of respect.
And now I'm wondering if there's a Chinese lady somewhere, right now, reminiscing about the time she had a plate of Fish and Chips whilst on vacation in Scarborough or somewhere...talking of which I had a lovely piece of Roe on Saturday from Munch Kings, a little establishment near the car wash.

I must toddle off now on account of me beef needing to be tended to, which reminds me I'm having my hair done Tuesday.

The King's Bucket

Yesterday.

As soon as I heard his bedroom radio I knew the King was in.
At home.
Holding court with a disc jockey from Radio Essex.
What I didn't know was when he was coming down.
So I set about my tasks.

Firstly and most importantly the bird table needed replenishing so I stepped out of the 'lived in' kitchen into the grand much cared for garden feeling quite alright. I glanced at the wildly green arbours, the crazed stone angels and one teetering stone bird whose head is perpetually dipped in the dry bird bath. Yes, the Queen thought, this would be an ok day.

Back inside the mismatched crockery was being attacked by flies so I sped through the washing up in my yellow gloves and thought about the King's lunch. Tuna salad, with a little boiled egg on the side, yes he'll like that.
Then my phone rang.

I let it ring because my head and chest were deep inside the wine glass cupboard, it rang and rang then stopped. Something told me to check it, it was Henry asking if I was there!
So off came the gloves and up the stairs I went stopping midway to call out "I'm coming up Henry, make yourself decent".

"Come in Angela"
He didn't sound right, not at all. The usual wily rascal had been replaced by a whimpering schoolboy.
What I saw when I pushed the door surprised and shocked me. The King was on the edge of the bed in his boxers. His white curly mopped head hanging onto his huge chest and a face so red I thought it was about to explode.

"What's up Henry?"

He pointed to a black bucket.

"I'm sorry darling" he said, his blue eyes shining and standing out brilliantly against the cherry red of his cheeks. He reminded me of a slightly sordid Father Christmas.

"It's ok, I'm not squeamish"

So after I emptied the offending bucket we had a little talk.
He'd had a rough night apparently, woke up at some ungodly hour with all kinds of aches and pains and vomited whilst listening to a phone-in.

"What did you eat last night" I asked whilst carefully looking out for signs of a) fever b) food poisoning and c) dementia

"Mussels"

On that I checked his pulse and took his temperature with a stick-on-the-forehead thermometer. He was slightly warmer than normal but not in any danger, but to make sure, to be safe I asked him if he'd like me to get a doctor. After all I didn't want to end up splashed all over the local paper ......EX-MAYOR FOUND DEAD WITH HOUSEKEEPER.....

"Jesus, no, I'll be alright, just need a kip and you"
I smiled like the superior being I am and wafted to his en-suite for a flannel.

As I stroked the big wet cloth over his face he called me an angel.
"Can you see my wings?" I grinned
"No, I'm looking at your flies, they're coming undone."
With that I knew he was recovering fast.

I made him as comfortable as I could, puffing up his pillows, straightening sagging underpants, leaving lots of water and reminding him where the bucket is.
I then returned to more pleasant jobs like the ironing. And maybe making just a green salad and ditching the fish.


On my agenda today?
At home.
Cooking, cleaning but no buckets.
And definitely Angelic.
As always:)

Now This Bike Thing...

Hello all.


It's not a bad little runner considering it's thirty years old. It has a jaunty plastic bag at the back a tingling screeching bell on the front and lots of creamy coloured lights. I like it. And today as I cycled to Henry's I felt as free as a lost pigeon.
I have to get a padlock or something because otherwise someone might steal it, and the thought of some stinking tea leaf lifting my little cycle gets me in a flap. No, I simply have to spend a fiver on security.

Other mundaness:

My left knee is ghastly again. Come up all knobbly it has and I think it's due to excessive exertion both in the street and in the kitchen. Therefore I've pumped myself full of hard line prescription drugs in the hope of seeing a joint reduction.

Today at Henry's was quite dull. I'm so sick of picking up fag-ends, Chinese take away cartons, crashed out bottles of vino, socks, medical things, bow ties and dead flies. As I wafted Lavender air freshener around I stuck my head out the upstairs window and wished so hard that I was somewhere else.


I've decided to lose myself in a sausage.

Quickie Before Work

Just heard the weather forecast. Cloudy in the south. What? I've just put on a flouncy old skirt!
Talking of old flouncy things, I'm off out soon. Will get to grips with a dingy cupboard behind the bar, the bar being a small cave like place decked out in gaudy mirrors, wine racks and handbags!
It so needs a tidy up.
So after putting my radio and pinny on I'll get down to it. My God who ever thought a lazy trout like me would be up to her kneecaps in (mini list coming up) wine bottles, ashtrays, remote controls, socks, hairbrushes, vests and batteries. Still I'd rather be on my knees cleaning than sitting here hungry:(

On the menu tonight: No idea. Corned beef probably. Since I've been a working girl my dinners have gone to pot. A bit. Last night's fare was fair enough though. And oh what a gorgeous sumptuous pudding did I make. Lemon curd pud was fab. I had a glass of Stella Artois too, couldn't finish it off of course, way too much for my little tum but it was refreshing and went well with the pork. But I will not be buying any more. Today.

Now buttered bagel and porridge:)

A to Z of Housekeeping

A - Another cup of tea.

B - Bongo drums. Don't ask. Teenagers in the house.

C - Cooking. Plate it up. Nuke it. My stuff usually.

D - Dodgy plumbing. The house not the man.

E - 'The Echo' piles of them. All out of date. Everywhere.

F - Fires. I do dust not ashes.

G - Grapes. Shrivelled, black. Some in bowls others on floor.

H - Henry VIII and Henry the vacuum cleaner. Boss is obsessed by the King. I, with the rotten machine.

I - Ironing. Not in original job spec but at 50p per item where's the ironing board?

J - J-Cloths. Hundreds of them, Some tatty, some ironed...ha ha ha...

K - Knees. A good pair needed.

L - Lots of liquids. Water, orange squash, wine, disinfectant. Need the third one after the last one!

M - Mops, matches, Marmite.

N - Nice and tidy. For a day.

O - Ornaments. a.k.a.dust magnets. What is it about single men, metal boxes and ceramic fairies?

P - Pants. Over-sized and over the banisters. Grim but funny.

Q - Queen gets queasy after a barrage of jokes about body parts.

R - Recycling. Bins too many. Too full and too heavy. Having neck trouble as a result.

S - Sausages. Loads past sell-by date. Not my business. Not my fault. Well maybe it is my business. Out they go.

T - Tea. Couldn't work without copious amounts. Got my own mug. Large builders type. But with a daisy on it.

U - Underwear. Be prepared for shocks.

V - Videos. Be prepared for shocks part 2.

W - Washing. I'm half-load Ang. Love my environment.

X - X-rated language. Not from me of course. Innocent jocularity? F*** O**

Y - Yanking. Stuck drawers, stiff handles and unyieldly knobs. Usually upstairs.

Z - Zonked. Me. Fifty two. Five foot. But laughing. Another cup of tea...

Food Gloria's Food!

It's misty outside and misty means we're in for smashing weather so I'm going to wear a flouncy skirt and fresh blouse to work. But before I do that, here are some more lists.

My favourite sandwiches

1. Chicken, sage and onion stuffing and redcurrant jelly. Only on a Sunday after I've had a kip. But I must have me crusts cut orf just like the other Queen.

2. Corned beef and Branston pickle. Much needed after testing the bike in the long grass. Thanks Ken.

3. Chicken, curried mayonnaise and mango chutney. White bread is essential for this. Please don't think of using just any old chutney, it's mango or nothing.

4. Tuna mayonnaise. First tried in Ponti's, a small Italian run cafe in Kensington. Ate there in the 1980's. I was young, richer and indestructible then, unlike now where I'm old, poor and falling to bits.

5. Smoked salmon. Only in pubs with men.

6. Roast beef. Ditto.

7. Strawberry jam and Nestlé cream. I know I know it sounds horrible, but it isn't...First tasted around 1968 in Beryl's house in Shepherds Bush. She was a friend of mums and an old Jehovah's Witness who tried to save me. Bless her. Still tastes good today even though I don't know any Beryls and have fallen by the wayside.

8. Sausage and fried onions. Possibly the greatest of them all. But the snorker must be excellent. The onions must be very dark brown and copious. Be mean with onions and you won't be welcome in my house.

My favourite casseroles

1. Beef stew and dumplings. Forever. Changed over the years, added stuff and removed stuff. But my suet dumplings remain the same. Large and plump. Could be hazardous to health but I'd rather die by dumplings than die by lettuce.

2. Latimer Beef. A spicy curry like dish. Often have Ms. Jaffrey's chapattis with this. This is what I call the crazed off spring of Madhur Jaffrey and Mary Berry. Two women cooks. Told you it was crazed.

3. Saturday Chicken. Odd but good. Packet of stuffing fused with cooking wine and jam. Heinous mix but so tasty with couscous and Harry Hill.

My favourite sweet things

1. Galaxy chocolate. A Sunday treat, whilst watching telly under a tartan car blanket. Simple pleasure.

2. Cadburys Creme Eggs. But only one at a time. Two look decidedly dodgy side by side.

3. Flake. Crumbly and makes a mess but taste excellent whilst laying down.

4. Bounty. Makes my teeth ache but only if I bite instead of suck.

5. Twix. Old favourite. Impossible to eat both biscuits at one sitting. Gluttony is bad.

7. KitKat. Two fingers only. Save the rest for later. Like 10 minutes later.

8. Steamed Puddings. Golden syrup pudding is great served with chocolate ice cream. Stupid but great.

9. Trifles. Strawberry is best. Mandarin a close second. But never use canned custard because only people without time use canned custard. If trifle sponges are unavailable a swiss roll is acceptable. But do use a quality one. Lidl swiss rolls are for desperate lonely people. But they're cheap.

10. Magnums. The emperors of the frozen world. Expensive ice cream for lovers. Or rich people. Or sexually active women lounging around in nighties on settees. I have a nightie.


Enough already.
Oh and I love bagels...

Friday Fancies

The bookcase is still standing and with a bit of luck I'll post a pic later today..

On my to do list today:

1.Looking at bookcase.

2.Re-arranging dust particles from here to there. I'm becoming adept at this.

3.Diving into the laundry basket just for the hell of it. And because clean clothes are running low.

4.Marinating chicken legs for tomorrows feast. Probably whilst watching "Without A Trace" on Ch4. Will have elevated endorphin levels due to guns and handsome Americans so could get messy if the cleaver hits my thumb instead of the drumstick. But that's what being a housewife means. Sacrifice. I soldier on.

5.Will rustle up a few Rock Cakes for John's next week munchbox. Will freeze them of course. Mustn't allow husband's Rock cake collection to plummet. Could be catastrophic for all concerned.

6. Wonder about frocks. Mostly dance type ones on account of I might be going somewhere in June. Long way off, but I excite easily.

7. Rub "Moonflower" cream into my knees. Will no doubt go all the way up. Never know ya luck.

8. Have a Digestive biscuit with my tea at three. Tend to sink mid-afternoon and a little crunchy thing helps. Close eyes shortly after because after an intake of sugar I tend to feel sexually aroused.

9. Change bedding.

10. Look at bookcase.

On the menu today: Meatballs