War Games, Outstanding Friendship And A Box Of Chocs

............Sums up 2012.

The War Games bit doesn't refer to the relationship I have with Mother but with the silly recorded movie I dipped into last night after seeing orf Mr Hairy roundabout 10pm.
Mr Hairy. What a lovely younger man he is, filled to the brim with kindness, spanners and off the wall ideas about residing on barges, baking and general life in general. Charmingly bonkers but just what an over worked girl needs. If I were single I'd run away to a remote meadow with him. Probably Norfolk. By the way he left a box of Black Magic under me pillow.

Ho hum. New Year's Eve. Mr Horsehound, unlike my good self, was out partying last night, whilst I did the over looking of one hell of a distraught Mother. The woman is in tatters. A mind so confused with all the jabber jabber coming from Doctors that she felt compelled to tell her GP... so late yesterday afternoon when a simple consultation regarding her blindness in one eye and fungal toe nail turned into a bitter battle over her reduced Doxepin. I wanted to throttle the Spanish GP not because he's Spanish, but because he had a serious attitude malfunction and that was something both Mum and myself could have well done without.
And so.........After stepping in when Mother failed to answer his questions succinctly we finally came to a resolution. She needs to see an Optician and take antibiotics for her toe. Well well well....And the Good doc will increase her happy pills. And a hooray for that. Mother has been in a bit down lately. "Wanting" she said "to jump in front of a bus"
Lifting her into the car in the dark wet and windy car park I'd just about had enough.

While on the subject of having enough...I made more than enough Home Made Beef Korma last night, also had heaps of home made Chappatis, Raita and shop bought bhajis.
Sometimes when I eat I feel like licking the plate. This inhuman uncivilised desire comes from being human and a need to get messy, unladylike. So much of my time is spent sober in tights and sensible shoes that oft times I want to rebel. But The Horsehound Rebellion will have to wait.
At least till after the funeral.

2012 was enlightening.
So bright were the revelations that most of the time I was blinded. Being totally responsible for someones cleanliness is tiring. My heart nearly stopping on many occasion when faced with bed baths and accidents. But she did it for me when I was small and weak and as she did for me I did for her. Mother though often crying with rage because she didn't want me to wet nurse her, it wasn't my place she spat. Well m'dear if it isn't my fairylike hands that cleanse your creases then whose hands would you prefer?
No answer.

During mother's tenure we've had many door-kicking arguments, many sulks and many making up moments. We are you see, very different kettles of fish.
She is a Barracuda, I, a Goldfish.
But by careful swimming and hiding behind the ornaments this Goldfish has survived. The Barracuda however is showing her age. And her two teeth. This once graceful killer fish now lies on the bottom of her bed all washed up. Every now and then though her tail lashes out leaving all manner of foodstuffs over the carpet. She's alright though because I glide by breathing sweetly scooping up her crumbs and then when the water is calm I swim away glassy eyed.

I did everything and more last year to make mum's stay her in the bungalow a real home from home experience. Good food, expensive warmth and a host of interesting activities. But the bungalow is a poor substitute for her flat. And I, a poor substitute for dad.
I couldn't reproduce or replace the relationship she had with dad. And I've worn myself out trying to do just that. So in 2013 I'm going to be the 56 year old daughter who has to find her tongue when faced with a torrent of 'advice' from a very enraged mother.
Should be fun!

Talking of fun Mr Horsehound and me good self are taking Mum to her flat next Sunday, just for the day, just so she can sit down on her old sofa and gaze around the room hopefully feeling happier for a while but hopefully realizing that being Home Alone is not an option.


I'm making Hot Dogs for tea.

I want to wish all my readers both old and new a wonderful 2013. I hope you all feel well in head and bod!