Pre-Christmas Waffling

Things which are essential for a good Christmas in Glo's gaff.

1. Unignited Puddings because blazing puddings set the alarm off and taste horrible
2. Alcohol free fruit cakes because Monty might grab a crumb and end up blotto
3. BBC News 24 to see happy newsreaders and giant trees
4. Port but only in the evening on the settee with a feather in my hair
5. Baggy socks because stockings are for New Years Eve
6. Sterile instruments for touching meat
7. Mint Aero when watching a horror film. Probably.
8. Washing Line rope in case I get drunk and dangerous
9. Hankies for tears of joy, terrible sadness and dribbles
10. Sending happy emails to chums

Things I Won't Ever Do at Christmas

1. Wash sheets or towels
2. Walk down the road for anything or anyone
3. Get dressed, preferring to remain in slumber wear
4. Look at recipe books, do that all year thank you very much
5. Clean windows
6. Engage in any form of plumbing, the taps can drip to death
7. Post erotica, either on Glo or in the post to strangers
8. Do anything with cheap meat
9. Read
10. Start fights

Presents I Want In My Stocking

1. Money, preferably clean
2. Teddy Bears, the bigger the better, but a small one will do
3. A Sat Nav, because I go out more now
4. Chocolate, but not from Poundland
5. Opium by Yves St Laurent, it is my most favourite
6. A real ink pen with a nib and everything, on account of me playing at being a writer
7. Erotic underwear from Cathouseclothing.com Thanking you in advance
8. Talcum powder
9. A new New Testament, because my old New Testament is well used
10. A large God-like man, who can supply all of the above

Sweet

I'm in the mood for a pudding.
Any pudding.
Sweet or savoury I don't mind. I just need to see a fat wobbling thing on my plate.

Talking of fat wobbling things. Monty isn't behaving in a cat-like fashion because the tree is STILL erect. Not a bauble or shattered light is on the floor. No sir, he's being very very good...
Talking of being very very good, I've done my Mrs Mop act for the day and am well pleased to be back amongst my own mess and dust as opposed to suffocating in my employer's mess and dust. Although it's hardish work it does have its benefits, one such benefit being that it gives my cardio-vascular system a good old work out. Positively glowing I am, with ruddy cheeks and a damp back, why I almost feel fit!
Although I do have an annoying ache about six inches under my right shoulder blade...That's that flipping Henry again!

Anyway I'm home now and in a tick I'll be in the bosom of my home, the kitchen, making yet another cake, no, I tell a lie, I'll be making two cakes. One for my husband's lunch boxes, the other for me to gnaw on during my long winter afternoons. If that wasn't enough to be getting on with, I've got to start thinking about Mincemeat cakes. And Mincemeat cakes are just a simpler version of the traditional Christmas cake, they don't need 'feeding' with brandy and all that sort of nonsense, they taste delicious eaten totally alcohol free and straight away, which is always nice. They contain not only a jar of best Mincemeat but other goodies as well, goodies like extra raisins and a few chopped dried apricots. So I'm not a complete Scroogey AND I lay whole almonds on top, so that's another excellent addition. All in all my Mincemeat cakes are jolly good. I have about three to make, no four, one for us, another for mum and dad and the other two for a couple of chums. I only wish I could send one to the States, but it'd be off and a bit green by the time it arrived. Never mind.

I am determined not to get in a flap this year, because I always do you know. Always. The tree is up, the cards are bought (not sent) the menus for Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing day are in my mind (just) and the Christmas Day message to my readers is in WordPad. So everything is tickety boo.
Now into the kitchen to make an Apple cake, a Raisin Tea Bread and.....A SYRUP PUDDING!!!
The picture is of an old Raisin Tea Bread. Made in the summer probably.

Halt!

The tree is still standing!
Monty eyed it up last night as I was manhandling a sackful of Father Christmases. These jolly yet slightly frightening fellows are now keeping guard on the Queen's windowsill, and although their main job is as security guards, I'm secretly hoping they raise a laugh from passers-by.

Freddie Norris

Isn't he beautiful?
I've been looking at photos and came across this one of my dearly missed and loved Freddie. What is it about Christmas that makes me long for lost loves? If a human being could be 'in love' with a creature then this creature was loved by me.
He was a fabulous cat who never had a chance to show us all his talents, I think of him often along with his more gentler brother, Louis. I went a little mad when they died within months of each other but they're in the garden now nourishing the weeds.
Bless there little tickers.

I found the tree feet by the way. So it's up, all 5ft of it, and bedecked with all kinds of glittery and plain things.
Now let's hope Monty pulls it down...

My Morning

After I've written this I'll be attempting to erect our 5ft (I think) Christmas tree. Notice I say 'attempt', for it's an oldish tree and one with a 'history'. Don't get excited it's not a sexual tree, by history I simply mean I bought it ten years ago in Wilko's for.....9p. Yep, 9p. Wilko's were having their 1998 January sale and a rather blustery manager was yelling his bald head off telling all and sundry that his Christmas trees were going for the ridiculous price of....9p. So idiot face here, thought it'd be a good idea to lug one home. So I did. And I've loved that tree ever since.:)

Anyway, the infamous 9p tree now awaits to be thoroughly dressed by me. I told you in a previous post that I bought some straw decorations in a charity shop, well they'll be the first things I hang on it's plastic branches. I also bought some more tree lights dead cheap from Poundland. Oh dear how I love Poundland. I really am quite a shrewd shopper, never in the history of women shoppers can one old girl bag so much for so little and get so much joy. Talking of joy I went to my fav charity shop this morning and this is what I bought:

Cream coloured ceramic photo frame £1.50
Salmon pink embroidered tablecloth 30p
6 round 'Poppy' coasters 30p
White cotton cushion cover with sprigs of flowers 50p
Red glass bottle with cork 50p

Then I went to Somerfield and paid a diabolical 80p for a cucumber.

I Knew I'd Do It...

In November I said to anyone who'd listen that I intended having a stress free Yuletide which meant having very few decorations, not getting in a flap over food and not buying any presesnts or cards. I can't do it. So.
Things I'll be doing over the next couple of weeks. In no particular order. And marks out of ten for how much I love doing it!

Decorating tree 10 I truly get excited as I painstakingly arrange wooden soldiers, trains, rocking horse and straw stars (new this year) glittery balls all shapes and sizes (quite old)

Making Christmas cakes 9. Always worry about cracking tops.

Wrapping presents 4 No good at corners.

Writing cards 10 I can't just say 'Merry Christmas' I go on a bit..

Candlelerizing the mantelpiece 10 Got a big six inch orange and brown cinnamon one this year and a few more ordinary ones.

Compiling Menus 9 Always want to try new things but always stick to Beef, Lamb, Salmon Puffs and Sticky Toffee Pudding

Buying festive food 9 Always buy too many tangerines, Mint Aeros, Long Life Milk, Popcorn and Parsnips

De-Dusting Fancy Clothes 10 I'll be going out maybe once or twice and I'll want to dazzle all as I sip my Port and eat Nobby's Nuts.

Remembering why Christmas comes. 10 So will be generous to the carol singers, because they're working hard to promote the birth of Christ. Will hand them a pound and some chocolate. And then pray they don't pull me lights down.

Went to Sainsburys today for the usual things. But. I also bought two jars of Mincemeat. I keep looking at them. Now I must re-arrange cupboards on account of these two jars of Mincemeat. Will have BBC News 24 on while I do this because there's going to be an almighty unchristiany hooha in Westminster today and I can't miss it.