Baking

As mum is having a bad day I had to cancel her appointment at the eye clinic.
The lady I spoke to on the phone had a hush to her voice when I explained the situation. An appointment for August will be made.

Yes poor old mother, clutching her tum and nibbling on her cornflakes asked me why she felt so dreadful.
"You're not well" I said, my belly churning with the knowledge that all is definitely not well. Her yellowing complexion and constant sleepiness making me wonder if there are any other gremlins roaming around inside her amazingly resilient body.
We'll see.

Yesterday she wanted to go out.
 "Anywhere" she told me
So I took her there, it was a short visit to Southend.

First into HMV where I bought The Bette Davis Collection, four of her finest films in a gorgeous boxed set, mum kept silent. As she did when we went to Oxfam where she handed me a fiver for a red Debenham's handbag which is now hanging on the side of her bed.
She doesn't give a hoot about money. "I'm spending it all " she told me on Tuesday. "But what about the future" I asked like the optimist I am. "I'm 76, I don't have a future".
Phew! Say it like it is why don't you?

As we sat in the middle of the Birdwood cafe looking around, our tea boilingly, dangerously hot I was happy to be out, with other people. Life is with people. Mum however thought differently, after five minutes of staring into her polystyrene mug she politely asked if we could go home.
So up I got aching to spend more time browsing around shops, sitting on a bench in the sun eating a burger or standing stock still by Rossi's Ice Cream shop.
Anything to feel human again.

Anyway we were soon back at the car and with mum tied in place with a kitchen roll to hand in case of vomit attack, I drove away.

On my arrival and then entering my kitchen I was met by the imposing figure (5ft 11ins) of Mr Hairy Suit, who was infact, tinkering with my tea caddy. He has access you see, to all areas.
A quick helloo you and I was gone. Gone to be with mother who very tired and wanted to go to bed immediately. And as soon as I'd got her comfy she was away with the fairies . I felt relieved. I could now be away too. Relaxing in my overcrowded conservatory with Hairy and the perfect cup of tea.

God knows what is going on here. With Mother I mean. She scares me with these dips, she's 'with me' one moment, then dozing for three hours. Healthy appetite on Monday then half a banana on Tuesday. I'm confused. But I'm not really. I've looked it up, I've googled death.

And death makes life great.
I feel a hundred years old, yet there's a twenty five year old eating her way out, through the harness. I like her.

Being baked today.
An Orange and Carrot Cake
A white loaf
Chicken casserole.