Here quick listen to this...
I re-arranged my employers peach angel, instead of having her lounging behind some Walt Disney DVD's I recklessly sat her between two candles on the master's mantelpiece. Then I made a a cup of tea. No wait it gets better, after plumping up his gigantic cushions I turned them over too so that their patterned bottoms sat side by side on his enormous chocolate coloured settee, he won't notice on account of him being a man. And wait listen to this, although there wasn't a decapitated mouse on the mat like last time, there were some strange items in his upstairs wastepapaper basket, I didn't look too closely you understand, but I think he and his girlfriend did a bit of dressing up the weekend. There was a large cardboard tube, one snagged black stocking, a handful of black hair and two batteries. Horrible.
Now after I did upstairs I did downstairs and that was almost as shocking, not only was there a partly unpacked suitcase in the downstairs bedroom but he'd left a good length of red rubber hospital tubing by the spices in the kitchen, he's had his arm in a sling for a couple of weeks and I suppose that accounts for the rubber. But I have to say I was shocked, it nearly put me off me next cup of tea.
I really can't natter any more because I have my own home to clean and my own baskets to empty.
Cheerio:)