Red All Over

Henry was in a bloody state this morning.
Literally.
Hanging from his ear were three sheets of blood soaked kitchen towel and clamped to his chest was his red stained shirt.

"What on earth have you done now?" I said
"Dunno darling, did it just now, I think I shaved off a spot"
So after putting away his lettuce and cucumber I nursed the old boy as best I could.
And he liked it.
"Look at this shirt" I laughed "It's stained with all your blood, you'd better take it off"

As as Henry unbuttoned his shirt, I wetted a paper towel.
"Keep still while I check your ear" I said, patting the paper over his crinkled and sliced old ear, I then soaked up some more blood from his neck and chest.
"Ooh that feels good Angie, but I think some blood fell on me penis"
"Oh do leave off Henry" I pleaded
He smiled and blushed.

Then with all the flamboyance of a bad male stripper from Rhyl the shirt came off.
"I'd better get another" he said lifting his mighty frame from the stool.
"Good idea"
And as Hot Henry tottered upstairs I looked around...

A box of assorted dinner plates were on the worktop.
Half a bottle of Californian red wine stood next to three rotting bananas and a bag of mixed nuts.
And then I glanced into the garden...A new boxed up electric oven with gas hob was sitting by the peanut bin. Oh God. He's got a new flipping cooker. I see casseroles before my eyes.

"How's this? Henry said parking his arse back on the poor stool.
"You look good in blue dear" I smooched, hoping he'd soon be going to work.
"Look at these" He said whipping out a pair of blackened white cotton gloves from his bag.
"We have to wear these at Lodge meetings" he said seriously, swinging them back and forth like a couple of old bells "But they need a wash now, wash them for me will you darling?"
"Only if I can try them on first"
They didn't fit well. And as I waved my hands about in a ridiculous manner, Henry gabbled on about aprons, legs and The Architect of The Universe.
"I'll pop them in with the rest of the laundry" I said as Henry picked up his bag and limped to the front door.
But I'm so glad I didn't.
Because his white dress shirt has turned baby pink:(
I left a polite note saying there'd been a minor cock-up on the laundry front.
I hope he forgives me.