Queen Among The Brethren

On the kitchen table tonight:
Minestrone soup and crusty bread followed by jammy coconut pudding with custard. A queer mix but absolutely smashing.

But that was tonight's fare what about last night's fare at the Saxon Hall?

It started with possibly the best tomato soup I've ever tasted and was very slowly followed by roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, cauliflower, carrots and roast potatoes. And then and then and then Spotted Dick and thin custard. Culinary heaven. Everything was perfectly cooked and we were served by pleasant people. Could it get any better?

I was seated at a table for nine, and as I looked around at the great (judges and police people) and the not so great (ordinary businessman and kitchen fitters) I wondered about my choice of outfit. True, I had put it together well but the other birds there were more conservatively dressed. All that is except the elderly lady two chairs to my right who was wearing a white jumper emblazoned with a red cross. So wrong at eighty odd. But she was a joy to be with and later grabbed me for a dance.

The men wore ties and suits and I was very nicely placed in between two of them. Big chaps they were, one was my employers 'minder'. I got a kick out of that. It was kind of thrilling being with a gentleman who needs to be protected. But who was going to protect 5ft me. Why the burly man to my right of course...My boss. Er...He was slightly out of puff due to his dependence on two walking sticks. But he looked good.

So as the food was delightfully and almost silently demolished I hoped I wouldn't make a fool of myself when the singing started. Yes we sang. There were songs. Oh dear. The songs were in a very well crafted booklet which also contained inspirational verses, political quotes and pics of her Majesty. Ok I thought this should be a good bash and it was, until we were all handed plastic St George flags. And as the organist struck up 'There'll Always Be An England' I felt slightly queezy. It was more like a Nazi rally than a Freemason do, not that I know about Freemason parties but its flamboyance, fervour and unashamed patriotism had me reaching for a napkin. I was sweating.

And then we broke into 'Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside' and I thought I'd have a quick look around. I saw an all singing, all smiling crowd of white middle aged folk getting slightly merry on beer and wine and I sang as well but it was not due to drink. I felt good. So I sang 'Jerusalem' with as much fervour as I could muster, my delicate chords though being mightily drowned out by much stronger voices.
But I did my best.

The wine flowed but not in my direction. I declined offers of 'top ups' and remained true to my wine spritzer. I also remained true to myself. Being a canny Londoner who comes from the bad side of the tracks I managed to secrete upon my lap and later into my handbag three crispy mint chocolates. The giant oranges proved more difficult. So on seeing them balanced upon my knees my gentlemen friend told me to pop them down my jumper. He is now recovering in hospital!

The evening raised a few hundred pounds for charity, the interesting eclectic mix of Essex people had a great time and I looked like a cross between Vivienne Westwood and a Dominatrix. Yeah I had a good time too...

The night ended with 'God Save The Queen'. I felt quite at home.
God bless you all...